"i'm determined that nothing but the very deepest love will entice me to matrimony..."
my roommate borrowed the BBC version of pride and prejudice, and we watched the first half this afternoon. (i should've been doing homework, but i'm lacking motivation) i know everyone loves keira knightley's portrayal of elizabeth, but i don't think she can rival jennifer ehle. if you haven't seen the BBC version, you should - find five hours when you can just sit on the couch...or maybe a few hours a couple of nights in a row.
anyway, i'm struck by how even though darcy's pride and elizabeth's prejudice, and darcy's prejudice and elizabeth's pride, are what keep them missing each other, it all comes back to fear. jane and bingley, charlotte and mr. collins, all of them are afraid. they cannot bring themselves to say how they really feel, particularly to the object of their affections, for fear of how it will be received, or not received. so they talk around one another (which proper English affords great opportunity to do) and work hard to convince themselves that they desire something, or someone, else entirely.
mostly though, elizabeth's vow that she will not allow anything but the deepest love to tempt her touches something in me. it is a vow that protects her, for it seems unlikely that she will find anything resembling such a love, and she can keep her distance from her desires. she is a smart woman, quick-witted and sharp. that's what i love about her...but i think it keeps her safe. and i think it's what keeps me safe, too. it's so much easier to hold impossible expectations, keeping my distance, with the knowledge that i will never be called into my desires than to hope for something tangible and be disappointed when it doesn't come. of course, then when it comes, in all its fumbling proposals, i'll miss it. i'll dismiss it. and i'll work even harder to protect myself from it in the future.
so i look for something crazy and foolish, something that i can feel alive in without being asked to hope for much, and then end it before i can be disappointed. the sad thing is that in doing so, i deface the dignity of the person i'm crazy with. it's hard to begin facing the reality that my sin, my belief that i must protect myself and my fear of being loved and left, not only hurts me, but hurts the people i'm in relationship with.
all this from a couple hours of watching a movie...it was supposed to be mindless, a break from studying. i guess this is what happens when you go to mars hill. :)
my roommate borrowed the BBC version of pride and prejudice, and we watched the first half this afternoon. (i should've been doing homework, but i'm lacking motivation) i know everyone loves keira knightley's portrayal of elizabeth, but i don't think she can rival jennifer ehle. if you haven't seen the BBC version, you should - find five hours when you can just sit on the couch...or maybe a few hours a couple of nights in a row.
anyway, i'm struck by how even though darcy's pride and elizabeth's prejudice, and darcy's prejudice and elizabeth's pride, are what keep them missing each other, it all comes back to fear. jane and bingley, charlotte and mr. collins, all of them are afraid. they cannot bring themselves to say how they really feel, particularly to the object of their affections, for fear of how it will be received, or not received. so they talk around one another (which proper English affords great opportunity to do) and work hard to convince themselves that they desire something, or someone, else entirely.
mostly though, elizabeth's vow that she will not allow anything but the deepest love to tempt her touches something in me. it is a vow that protects her, for it seems unlikely that she will find anything resembling such a love, and she can keep her distance from her desires. she is a smart woman, quick-witted and sharp. that's what i love about her...but i think it keeps her safe. and i think it's what keeps me safe, too. it's so much easier to hold impossible expectations, keeping my distance, with the knowledge that i will never be called into my desires than to hope for something tangible and be disappointed when it doesn't come. of course, then when it comes, in all its fumbling proposals, i'll miss it. i'll dismiss it. and i'll work even harder to protect myself from it in the future.
so i look for something crazy and foolish, something that i can feel alive in without being asked to hope for much, and then end it before i can be disappointed. the sad thing is that in doing so, i deface the dignity of the person i'm crazy with. it's hard to begin facing the reality that my sin, my belief that i must protect myself and my fear of being loved and left, not only hurts me, but hurts the people i'm in relationship with.
all this from a couple hours of watching a movie...it was supposed to be mindless, a break from studying. i guess this is what happens when you go to mars hill. :)
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on Sunday, October 01, 2006 at 5:41 PM.
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