|
|
Friday, October 20, 2006
some thoughts about bloggingas a communication scholar (i get to call myself that because my BA is in communication), blogging intrigues me. online journals have changed the way we tell our stories - our culture is moving farther and farther away from oral traditions of old, and sometimes i wonder if we'll get to a place where we never actually talk to one another at all. i'm particularly fascinated by the fact that, in my circle of friends at mhgs, most of us blog, and we blog about some pretty deep stuff. we are processing all that's being stirred up in us, on the world wide web. anyone can read our thoughts. and we want them to. and even more so, we want them to comment. we check our blogs multiple times a day, hoping to see that someone has responded to what we wrote. generally, every time i'm on the internet i go through a routine of checking my blog and then running down a list of blogs of people i know and love. i don't leave comments very often, even though i know my friends are longing for the same kind of recognition and connection that i am. but worse than that, i don't generally talk to my friends and family about the things i'm posting about (this blog aside, ironically). i don't call someone up and say, "hey, i posted on my blog today, and i'd really like to hear your thoughts on it" much less just go talk with them and ask for feedback in the first place. instead i write in the hopes that someone will find my blog and respond.so, what does this mean in terms of communication? what are the implications of this kind of communicating in relationships? and why does it somehow feel safer to publish my journal for all the world to see and hope to be found then to simply invite someone to talk about all the things i'm thinking about?
Monday, October 16, 2006
 it's fall here in the pacific northwest. that means it's kinda cold, but not too cold, and it's kinda gray, but not too gray, and the best part...the leaves on the trees change colors. and not just green to less green, or green to brown, but green to yellow and orange and red and burgundy. it's breathtaking.have i mentioned that i love living in seattle?- a short disclaimer: the picture is actually fall in idaho, last october. thanks to my friend sara for the great shot. i just don't have a camera, which means i can't take pictures of fall in seattle. i know, i need to fix this problem, and soon.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
the life of a grad studenti have four papers due next week. four. what else can i say?
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
it's the other way around...i don't think we find hope - i think hope finds us. or maybe, we remember where hope has been, where we've hidden it. much as i've tried to lose hope, to stop looking into the future and anticipating something good, i can't. and i'm not sure why, except that there seems to be something about being human that means hoping.so, once we remember where we put our hope, what do we do with it? lindsey jo and i were talking yesterday about how we hope, but we don't really want to say what we hope for, so we obscure our hope. instead of saying outright, "i'm really hoping for..." whatever it is, we just tiptoe around it and wonder if people will figure it out. needless to say, when they don't figure it out, we're disappointed, angry and disillusioned, vowing that we won't be so foolish as to hope again. what would it cost to just tell people what we're hoping for?
Sunday, October 01, 2006
"i'm determined that nothing but the very deepest love will entice me to matrimony..."my roommate borrowed the BBC version of pride and prejudice, and we watched the first half this afternoon. (i should've been doing homework, but i'm lacking motivation) i know everyone loves keira knightley's portrayal of elizabeth, but i don't think she can rival jennifer ehle. if you haven't seen the BBC version, you should - find five hours when you can just sit on the couch...or maybe a few hours a couple of nights in a row. anyway, i'm struck by how even though darcy's pride and elizabeth's prejudice, and darcy's prejudice and elizabeth's pride, are what keep them missing each other, it all comes back to fear. jane and bingley, charlotte and mr. collins, all of them are afraid. they cannot bring themselves to say how they really feel, particularly to the object of their affections, for fear of how it will be received, or not received. so they talk around one another (which proper English affords great opportunity to do) and work hard to convince themselves that they desire something, or someone, else entirely.mostly though, elizabeth's vow that she will not allow anything but the deepest love to tempt her touches something in me. it is a vow that protects her, for it seems unlikely that she will find anything resembling such a love, and she can keep her distance from her desires. she is a smart woman, quick-witted and sharp. that's what i love about her...but i think it keeps her safe. and i think it's what keeps me safe, too. it's so much easier to hold impossible expectations, keeping my distance, with the knowledge that i will never be called into my desires than to hope for something tangible and be disappointed when it doesn't come. of course, then when it comes, in all its fumbling proposals, i'll miss it. i'll dismiss it. and i'll work even harder to protect myself from it in the future. so i look for something crazy and foolish, something that i can feel alive in without being asked to hope for much, and then end it before i can be disappointed. the sad thing is that in doing so, i deface the dignity of the person i'm crazy with. it's hard to begin facing the reality that my sin, my belief that i must protect myself and my fear of being loved and left, not only hurts me, but hurts the people i'm in relationship with. all this from a couple hours of watching a movie...it was supposed to be mindless, a break from studying. i guess this is what happens when you go to mars hill. :)
|
|
