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finding life in ambivalent places

finding life in ambivalent places
 

Monday, November 27, 2006

ice and snow, a big korean church, and crazy drivers

so, it's snowing in seattle. and it's been snowing most of the afternoon and evening, at least up in bothell, which is where my school currently is. so, we got out of class at 5:30, and started trying to make our way to the freeway. we made it about a 1/4 of a mile in two hours, and gave up and came back to the church where we have classes. there are probably about 20 of us still hanging out, working on papers, playing basketball and just avoiding being stuck on the road for the next, oh, 4 hours.

many of my friends here are from places like iowa and michigan and north dakota, so they're used to snow, and they think it's pretty funny to hear me squealing excitedly at the gorgeous white stuff. (today i learned the difference between powder and heavy snow) but more than that, they are incredibly frustrated with the crazy drivers on the road who hit their brakes too hard and end up sliding into trees and phone poles and other cars. you would think that in seattle when it rains, people would be pretty chill, because it rains, well, a lot. not so - traffic slows and backs up, and it takes a long time to get anywhere. so make it snow, not rain, and ice, not sleet, and seattle freaks out.

thankfully we're in a warm place, with bathrooms and heat and an internet connection, so even if we have to spend the night, we'll be alright.

Monday, November 20, 2006

it's thanksgiving break. i have one more day of work, and then i have three days in a row off. i have stuff to work on for school, and plenty of things to get done around the house, but i will get to rest.

this is the first thanksgiving i've not been with my family in a long time. strange.
my roommate megan and i are hosting our very own thanksgiving dinner - my job is to buy the wine :)

it is strange to realize that i won't see most of my classmates (although one is staying in town and having dinner with us) for a week. my class is huge - about 80 people - and i haven't even met all of my classmates. but somehow i will miss them. there is an unspoken connection between us, a recognition of a common struggle.

have a happy thanksgiving - it's good to be thankful.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

melancholy and not so motivated...

mars hill grad school is unlike any other program. that's why i came here, right? but i didn't fully realize the implications of choosing to come here. and, though i know full realization has yet to arrive, i am learning something of what it means to be a mars hill student. melancholy may quickly become my middle name.

i must be soberly thoughtful and pensive, in a way that evokes sadness, in much of my studies. i am asked to write stories of tragedy in my life, and analyze how i've told such stories. am i connected? have i left out important pieces because they feel too painful to write down? what have i done with the impact of this scene in my life since that time? i am asked to share stories of wounding in my life with a small group of peers in practicum, and receive feedback and healing as i allow them to see and speak into my pain. i am asked to look honestly at how i relate to others, and to begin to dig not only into why i am the way i am, but how that impacts my relationships and how it will impact my potential patients. these are weighty things, and they deserve quiet consideration.

and while i am not thrown into despair and depression (praise the lord), i am easily distracted by my melancholy. i don't want to write, i'd rather just sit and think. and i don't want to read, i'd rather just watch a movie. and i don't want to do the dishes or the laundry, i'd rather just sleep. and let me tell you, much as i love the rain, it is so tempting to curl up on the couch or in bed and just spend these wet days lazing around. i suppose i can't blame it all on the rain - it's not so heavy when i'm not motivated to do much.

i need to learn how to want to do things in the midst of my remembering and my raining...

Saturday, November 04, 2006

time flies...

when you're a grad student. i only have six weeks left of my first term. every weekend i look back and try to remember where my week went - work, classes, time with friends, reading and writing papers. i feel like my time in seattle has flown by so far.

my job continues to be a blessing. maddie, my little 19 month old, is learning a lot, having a hard time being separated from her momma, and loving being a big sister. ryan is 6 weeks old now (he's sleeping, sort of, on my lap at the moment - he's having a tough night) and he's darling. and i love melanie and david, their parents. melanie and i usually get a chance to talk sometime during the day, and we're really becoming friends.

school is tough. school is intense, and emotional, and challenging. it's beautiful, and scary, and exactly where i need to be, even on the days when i don't want to be. there's a lot being stirred up in me, and i'm wiped most of the time just because of the level of engagement that's required of me. i have two big papers due next week (which i should be working on right now, of course).

seattle is awesome. at least the parts i've gotten to see - it's hard to justify going exploring in my limited free time, especially when i haven't even cleaned my house. but i've found a great old theater that shows independent and foreign films, and it's so fun. i actually went to see a movie today called babel, which i'll have to post about another time. and there's enough thai food to keep me in curry as much as i want, which is a lot these days. and although the rains have come, with no sign of stopping, i'm learning how to deal with the bottom of my pants being wet, and how to layer clothing so that i stay dry and warm in between my car and school, but not too hot once i'm in class with 90 other people.

i've made some good friends. sunday nights i hang out with a great group of people who are exploring what it looks like to be church. wednesday nights i hang out with some girls from school and we have porch wine - in other words, we hang out on the porch and drink five dollar bottles of wine (we're grad students, remember) and talk about life. at least, we used to sit out on the porch. now it's too wet and cold, so we'll probably sit inside somewhere.

i guess that's a pretty good update for now.

it's almost time to go feed the baby. :)
 
   





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