marriage and gender
my first paper for marriage and family is due tomorrow. it's been a week since we've been back in class - welcome to grad school. so i've been working on it for the last couple of days, and while i think my paper is decent, i'm sick of thinking about all of this. it's hard. it's painful.
the idea of revelatory iconography (a fancy way of saying made in the image of God) is wonderful, and scary, and thrilling. and the idea that this revelation is found in a unique way in marriage is, frankly, disheartening. i feel, incomplete somehow. as if i don't have enough voices in my head telling me i AM incomplete.
my ex-fiance just got married. i can hardly keep from throwing up looking at that sentence, but it's constantly in my head as i think about marriage. i'm glad i didn't marry him, for a number of reasons, including the fact that i don't think we would have "grown each other's glory" (as dan allender says is the purpose of marriage). but it still hurts to know that he chose someone else. it still feels that way. and now, in the midst of all the sorting myself out and learning what marriage is for and deciding to hope for something again, i have to fight to stop believing all that i learned from his leaving. it's an exhausting fight.
i don't think this class (marriage and family) is going to get much easier - i'm pretty sure it will wake up more longings, especially as we talk about parenting. the precious 3-month old that i nanny vomited all over me on friday, and even that didn't make me wish any less for a baby of my own.
it's going to be a long term...
my first paper for marriage and family is due tomorrow. it's been a week since we've been back in class - welcome to grad school. so i've been working on it for the last couple of days, and while i think my paper is decent, i'm sick of thinking about all of this. it's hard. it's painful.
the idea of revelatory iconography (a fancy way of saying made in the image of God) is wonderful, and scary, and thrilling. and the idea that this revelation is found in a unique way in marriage is, frankly, disheartening. i feel, incomplete somehow. as if i don't have enough voices in my head telling me i AM incomplete.
my ex-fiance just got married. i can hardly keep from throwing up looking at that sentence, but it's constantly in my head as i think about marriage. i'm glad i didn't marry him, for a number of reasons, including the fact that i don't think we would have "grown each other's glory" (as dan allender says is the purpose of marriage). but it still hurts to know that he chose someone else. it still feels that way. and now, in the midst of all the sorting myself out and learning what marriage is for and deciding to hope for something again, i have to fight to stop believing all that i learned from his leaving. it's an exhausting fight.
i don't think this class (marriage and family) is going to get much easier - i'm pretty sure it will wake up more longings, especially as we talk about parenting. the precious 3-month old that i nanny vomited all over me on friday, and even that didn't make me wish any less for a baby of my own.
it's going to be a long term...
This entry was posted
on Sunday, January 14, 2007 at 9:49 PM.
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You're taking a class, and I'm dealing with students getting married and engaged all around me. (Another couple just got engaged last week - that's three student couples married or engaged in the past three months.) I know it's not exactly the same, but I feel your pain. Love you.
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