finding life in ambivalent places

i've been sitting at my desk now for almost an hour, finding things to help me avoid reading about dissociation and intimacy and psychological theories.

i've been listening to the rain spatter against my house (which is sort of a luxury - usually it doesn't rain hard enough that you can hear it in seattle), drinking a beer (alright, i admit it's actually a cider - but beer sounds so much tougher), and looking at my ex-fiance's blog, hoping to find myself in his archives.


i've been listening to more martha wainwright and damien rice (i will forever think of heidi now since her memorial video is set to a damien soundtrack - not the above song), enjoying the agony and the anger of their music and thinking about relationships...since of course that's what every song is about. (side note - if you're interested, www.heidimemorial.com)

i've been trying to push out of my mind the conversation we had at church tonight about jesus healing people, lacking the energy to wrestle with the reality that he doesn't heal everybody...i'm tired, and i'm tired of grieving and i really wish there was a reasonable time frame for feeling like this - hasn't it been long enough already? (btw, as a therapist and a friend, i would never say this to anyone else - just me) .

a little light reading before bed - an article titled broken hearts and mending bodies: the impact of trauma on intimacy.

at least my sheets are clean - small pleasures seem big...

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 at 10:48 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.